FAQs

A Scanner Nerdly

Here are a few of my favourite things (and yes, I actually sang that line out loud):

  • Toob? Star Trek, Blake’s 7, Doctor Who, Babylon 5, Thunderbirds.
  • Flicks? 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976), Star Wars (1977), The Empire Strikes Back (1980), Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), Blade Runner (1982), Big Trouble in Little China (1986), Inception (2010).
  • Lit? The Lord of the Rings, Dune, The Stars My Destination, Neuromancer, The Man Who Japed.
  • Tunes? Anything loud or weird and, of course, Bach’s Toccata and Fugue in D Minor—the admittedly clichéd choice of the discerning supervillain.
  • Jedi or Sith? Hmmm… Neither. Probably Solo, but without the smugness.
  • Empire or Republic? Republic!
  • Kirk or Picard? Kirk!
  • Doctor and Companion? Doctor? Tom Baker. Companion? Ace or… Leela? Hmmm… I’m conflicted, but I’ll say Ace, after all who can argue with Nitro 9?
  • Time Lord or…? Timelord? Pah! Let’s just leave it at “or” puny human.
  • Sartorial Inspirations? Throw Marc Bolan, Jon Finch’s Jerry Cornelius, and Boba Fett into a washing machine and spin. Vigorously.
  • Description of Self? “A riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma”, encased in a conundrum, stuffed into a walnut. (Take that Churchill).
  • Superheroes? Spider-Man, Batman, Indiana Jones, Han Solo, The Question, Green Arrow, Garth, Vanth Dreadstar, Flash Gordon, and Dazzler (oh shut up).
  • Supervillains? The Penguin, Ernst Stavro Blofeld, Ming the Merciless, The Mekon.
  • Anti-Heroes? Kerr Avon, Catwoman, Captain Nemo, Kane the Mystic Swordsman, Mister X, Elektra, Harry Palmer.
  • Tech? The personal computer is the best invention since the wheel.
  • Code? Loads, but right now C, Lua/LÖVE.
  • Martial Arts? Many, though currently Grand Ultimate Fist, and the terribly effective Way of the Spider. My special move is running away.
  • Acronym? KBN.
  • Yums? Ethiopian or Indonesian Arabica, or Mauritian caramelized coffee, Roquefort in croissants, and Parisian chocolate ganache truffles heavily dusted with fine cocoa.
  • Alignment? Chaotic Neutral
  • Character? Wizard for life.
  • Peeves? Don’t get me started.
  • Faults? Massive, but completely justified, superiority complex.
  • Places? Curepipe, Mauritius, Mauritian beaches, the pyramids at Giza, and here.
  • Utopias? Iain M. Banks’s Culture.
  • Dystopias? The one where I rule you puny humans.
  • Dinosaurs? Triceratops.
  • HQs? An unnamed castle on the summit of Hell Mountain, in the Himalayan Kingdom of Garudastan (now a peripatetic Micronation claimed by the current location of my hat), a ruined mansion in Grand Cabaret, Mauritius, and a series of vessels all named Utopia.
  • Alias? I categorically deny that I am the tentacled, cybernetic, supervillain, rockstar from Dimension 27 known as “The Captain!
  • Location? Right behind you, sucker!
  • Descent Diabolic? I was born in England of Indo-Mauritian, Hindu Brahmin parents. I’ve also moved around a bit and have accumulated extra citizen ships in Mauritius and Canada. Mars next?
  • The Name of the Roy? But why, pray tell, does a Hindu chap possess the Anglo-Gaelic-Frankish-Norman derived forename Roy? Dad’s given name was supposed to be a “Rohit”, but the colonial British colonial registrar’s ears couldn’t cope with something quite so Indian and simply wrote “Roy” on the birth certificate. Thus, when I was born, Mum and Dad simply named me after Dad.
  • Regarding my surname, Mathur“? Although it is not an English name, it is made up of two syllables very common to the English language, and is spelled phonetically, so if you mispronounce it, that’s your problem. Don’t expect me to help you either, because I love watching people squirm. Go on, squirm. Ahahahahahahahahaha!
  • And Just Before You Go… That is as much as I can tell you without boring your pants off, but buy me a Betelgeusian Brain Buster and I’ll talk the hind pods off an Arcturan zingbat. If you can’t wait that long, feel free to rummage, but please mind the cabling, the carnivorous plants, and the giant wingèd thing.
  • You did read this far? Congratulations! When next we meet, you shall be rewarded with a scrumptious sherbet lemon.
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