Spoiler Free Review: Prometheus – Miss Vickers, Are You A Robot?

Just back from the cinema. I watched Ridley Scott’s latest attempt to rehash his original 1979 meisterwerk. Fifth time lucky?  No chance.

Pros: I’m feeling kind because it’s a sunny day, so I’ll start with the good bits. I  loved the amazing bridge of the alien spaceship, Michael Fassbender is brilliant, Noomi Rapace – gutsy, Charlize Theron – hypnotic. The CGI is mostly great, at least when applied to machinery and spacey-type things.

Cons: Clumsy, stupid Hollywood science, dingbat adapted ancient Greek allegory, and the CGI for some of the organic stuff looked like dross. Also I wanted to attack the geologist bloke character with his own rock-hammer and, as much as I like Idris Elba, his accent sucked. I could hear the East-End in it. Why did his character have to be American?* Couldn’t they have just made him a cockney?  Another moan – if I have to witness any more macho, gung-ho crap, I’m just going to top myself with an overdose of ‘roids.** Does Scott honestly feel contempt towards his audience? I hope so, because the only alternative is that he is just a one-trick-pony as far as the Alien franchise goes. Back to the Greek Promethean thing – I now know why Tolkien hated allegory. Dear gods, and he IS  promising a sequel to this prequel (a presquel?)***

Chainsaws awarded – 3, mainly for that line in the title of this post.  (And because I fancy Ms. Theron.)

See also: .tek: Prometheus: ET’s Tin Whistle is a Wicked Input Device

Errata et Addendum (2015-08-16 04:45)

  • *Noomi Rapaace’s accent was also awful and it turns out Elba CAN do American (e.g. The Wire), just not oakie).
  • **Perhaps there’s a back-story, that didn’t make the final cut, regarding Captain Janek and his flight crew that explains his sudden uncharacteristic burst of heroics at the end of the movie.
  • ***I was pretty angry at the time. That anger has dissipated into disappointment. Who knows though, maybe it’s too soon to discount Scott entirely, or like Lucas and Star Wars, perhaps it’s time for him to pass the responsibility for the franchise on to someone else.
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6 Responses to Spoiler Free Review: Prometheus – Miss Vickers, Are You A Robot?

  1. Pingback: Prometheus: ET’s Tin Whistle is a Wicked Input Device | Boldly Voyaging the Multiverse!

  2. Redhead says:

    you were kinder in your review than I was! Prometheus was such a disappointment!

    i have a feeling I’m going to be treating Prometheus the same way I treat Star Wars eps 1-3: as if they don’t exist.


  3. Roy says:

    Fassbender was good though. Mind you, he’s good in everything!


    p.s. Star Wars 1-3? How about JJ’s Star Trek reboot- great CGI, great actors, great filming, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE story. What IS it about these inked, bald baddies in all these movies? (I am Number Four).


  4. redhead says:

    How about JJ’s Star Trek reboot- great CGI, great actors, great filming, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE story.

    i think i love you.

    srsly, everyone else is like “the new Star Trek is the best movie EVAR!”, and yeah, it was fun and adventure-y all, but it wasn’t very Star Trek-y. haven’t seen Number Four (not really my thing), but jeez, would it kill Hollywood to have a creative bone in their body? and have bad guys that don’t all look like twins? now I hear they are rebooting Highlander.


  5. Roy says:

    Reboot Highlander? Why bother? The first film still stands the test of time.

    Star Trek– there really hasn’t been one truly great film in the whole series. Though, being a Trekkie, missing even one of the movies would feel like blasphemy. But JJ’s attempt was particularly disappointing because everything about it was great, EXCEPT the writing! They even went to the brave, brilliant and expensive length of using real film rather than shooting digitally. What a damn let down.

    Next thing I’m worried about is Batman, I mean Bane, have you seen him? Come on! Also I’m hearing evil rumbles via fan podcasts about the quality of the next Judge Dredd, NOOO!


  6. Pingback: #Nerds, #Writers, Earthians: Lend Me A Beer: Theron-Unpwned, Unwisely Consuming…, Old Olds…, Goat Attack, Grossip…, Prod-cast | Boldly Voyaging the Multiverse!

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