The Adventures of Tintin: Not Made By Fans

I’ve been reading Tintin since I was the size of a sack of rice, so I know what I talking about.  Ordinarily I’m mostly a Spielberg fan too, but I’m sorry to tell you that this film sucked.  Everything looks odd.  Why didn’t they just go full CGI, instead of having actors run around with warped heads.  Also, let’s let Captain Haddock’s Scottish accent slide as it’s as good a choice as any, but Serkis, despite trying to sound gruff, sounds as fantastically smooth and refined as Scottish shortbread.   He’s Captain Haddock for gods’ sake!  Rough, tough and pickled in whiskey.  Alcoholics do not sound like this and neither do grizzled sea captains. And Calculus is a kleptomaniac.  Oh yes, that is far more acceptable and funny than being deaf.  I’m a bit deaf; can’t hear a damn thing in any social situation and I don’t think I would have been insulted. One out of five chainsaws- I actually fell asleep.  More insomnia induced crankiness, but bugger it if I’m not right.

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